Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
