Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
