So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
