yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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