Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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