Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
