i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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