we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
