everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
