so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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