I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
