you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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