Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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