She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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