ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
