What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
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Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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