apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We need to get me chipped asap
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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