Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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