I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
