Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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