You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
