Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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