Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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