I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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