happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
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He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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