When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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