I'm gonna have a badass scar
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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