Life is so much better after having sex.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
