I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
