at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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