your parents love me but you hate me
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
