last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
