Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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