dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
