it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
