I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
