Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
