Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
