he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize