The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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