If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
