2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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