She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
