There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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