saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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