I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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