I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
