This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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