At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize