You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
