did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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