I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm always down for nudity.
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