He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
