I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
