Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
