We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
