I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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