My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
