So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
