I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
