Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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