oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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