i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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