I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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