Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
