I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
