I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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