My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
