do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
