i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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