Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Houston, we have a blender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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