his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
