dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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