Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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