I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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