i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize