so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
