Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
