I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
