oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
