I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
